the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
