I am full of burrito and curiosity
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
