I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
