Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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