Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
