He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize