Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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