she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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