He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
