Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
