Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
