Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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