I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
