After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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