dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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