Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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