The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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