i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
