Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
