I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
