Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
