He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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