I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
