You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize