My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
