ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
