but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize