What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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