The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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