Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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