Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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