Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
