Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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