Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
