I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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