I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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