You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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