In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
