Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
this boner is exhausting
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
