Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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