never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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