I faked an abortion last night.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize