i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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