He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
