sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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