My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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