capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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