Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
