the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
