eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Randomize
