She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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