You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My penis needs a shock collar
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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