Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
