Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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