I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
