He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
