I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just sent this text using only my big toe
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
