so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
