I'm going to jail i love you
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
