Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
