hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Randomize
