So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
