listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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