when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I deserve this hangover.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
