Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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