Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
