can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
