I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
