the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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