I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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