its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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