it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
