I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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